November has been an uneventful month. Uneventful by my own choice. A few weeks ago I had a few days in the pit. As I came out of it I just sat in limbo between depressed and productive. It was my choice. At first I was just "recovering" from my bad days, but then it became something else, like a 3 week nap. I could've stopped it, I just didn't want to. I wanted to lay around completely unmotivated, sleeping all day. I would get up and take care of the kids, then nap on the couch while the 2 little ones watched cartoons. We would then have lunch and I would take a nap with them. I would also take naps after school and in the evenings sometime. I was like a lazy cat doing only what was required.
This isn't me. If you know me, you know I am a mover and shaker. I am always on the go with something or some new project. It keeps me happy. I know I am happy when I am there.
All this laziness comes from not taking one of my medications. It kinda helps my motivation which is suppressed by my other pills. If I want to be lazy I just skip my productive pill. My house falls apart, the Mt Everest of laundry grows in my basement, my dishes start growing things in the sink and I just don't really care. It isn't good for me or my family. Doing nothing eventually catches up with me, then I move to depressed because I have no life and my life is chaos.
When I am in my little hibernation I know I will be happy if I take the pill. I know I will be glad I did it and I will feel more balanced and in control.
Romans 7:15 "I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do
it. Instead, I do what I hate."
This scripture pops into my head when I think this all through. I let myself think I am not hurting anyone, I am just tired and want to stay that way. It is wrong, though. When I am just "being" I am not doing what God's plan for me is. I'm not growing. (except in my waistline) I'm not really there for my kids. Yes I do the basics, but God doesn't call me to just do the basics, he wants me to shine, to do the best I can.
I'm gonna work on that. I'm gonna try to do the things I should do, not do the things I do that I shouldn't do. What I'm gonna do is make a list of the things I should do, not the ones I shouldn't do. What I'll do is hang my "do's" in a place I do see everyday. That should remind me to do the do's and not do the ones I shouldn't do. Maybe a good place would be where I do my doo's. : ) Do ya hear what I'm saying?
Yup, I'm feeling better.
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