Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Maui On My Mind

It's 6:30 in the morning and I'm sitting outside on a lanai in Maui, watching the sun make it's way over the Maui mountains. I jumped out of bed, like a little kid on Christmas, and ran to see what gifts were waiting for me on the lanai.
Thankfully those gifts weren't reptiles or spiders.
Making the decision to return here was very difficult for me. I have four kids, this isn't something a mom of four kids spends money on. If it were a trip with Jason, it might have been an easier decision. I mean, it is easier to justify spending the money by investing in one on one time with my spouse. But this is a trip for just Mom, a trip difficult to justify as anything other than selfish.

The last few months God has really been causing growth in me. I know he has started some major changes in my life, including the publishing of my book. I have been on this answer seeking mission with him, "What's next? What am I supposed to be doing?" After asking that question for what seemed like years, I got an answer. It was an answer I misunderstood at first. It was simple, "Go back to where it all started."
Well, I started pouring through scripture, reading again and again those scriptures where it had all started. Nothing made sense. Then I understood. God wasn't being cryptic with me, he literally meant to "go back to where it all started." Maui. Go back to Maui, to the people I love, where God started this work in me.

As the plane was descending yesterday, I found myself being overwhelmed with emotions. Tears started squeezing out of my protesting eyes. Just seeing little pieces of it from the plane was more than I could handle.
As I drove around the edge of the island I got closer and closer to mile marker 14. That is one of the places where it all began. Just seeing the big, round monkey pod tree rising up out of the overgrowth started pushing a sob up my throat. I'm a little scared of what actually walking onto the property will cause.
So many unexpected emotions are welling up inside of me. I am so thankful to be here. I have had dreams about walking on the beach here.
I have no idea what God is planning for me here. I am a little nervous about that, I mean, looking at the things he's already done to me here makes me shake a little inside. I do not know what his plans are, I'm just going to let myself feel all of this, all of these emotions. I'm just going to wait, wait and see what he shows me or tells me next. I'm going to hug these people I love and tell them what they've meant to me.
I am hopeful, I am expecting.

I am thankful.

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