Friday, May 24, 2013

I'm Bringing The Big Guns!

I haven't written in awhile because I wasn't sure what to write. I suppose some of my hesitation was based on what people would think or if the things that have happened in my life are real or I really am delusional. Neither of those are good reasons for not writing. Really they are just plain old disobedience and sin. First, I am going to stand up and refuse to allow Satan to bind me up in fear of others judging me. I was tied down by that for too long. Second, God has made some real changes in my heart and in my life. He has healed me and set me free. I also know he's called me to talk about it. I am not going to be shut up. I am not going to tie myself back up in the chains I was just released from.

John 8:36
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Isaiah 58:8
Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
I do not know where to start. God has healed me. 2 months ago I experienced nothing short of divine healing. For 13 months prior I had been being treated for bipolar disorder. I guess you could name the bondage I was in a lot of different things but the symptoms were crippling anxiety, depression, confusion, despair and sometimes crazy looking periods of impulsiveness. Really all of this stuff was born of fear and shame. God actually has been in the process of healing this for quite some time, I think I just had to trudge along a little longer before I could receive it.
God built me with an extroverted personality. I love people, I love being around people and talking to people. I just bubble with joy around people. For a long time I allowed sin to keep my gifts bound up inside of me. This is the message I was fed and believed:
People don't like you. You are dirty and people are judging you, you're not good enough to be with them. You are annoying. You talk too much. You're rude and inconsiderate. All you think about is yourself, you're not worthy of having friends or expecting others to care about you.
I could go on and on. I don't think it's possible to explain how badly I was tormented in my head. Because of that torment, sometimes in nervousness I even behaved just like all those messages I wrote above. It just confirmed to me that all those messages were correct and kept me locked up.
Well, I'm free. I know it's a process, I'm still attacked regularly, but God is revealing those attacks to me, I'm on to those lies!
Now I see the truth and I'm just really ticked off at all those lies I've been fed, all those chains I've been dragging. Now I will not be tied back down by that!
When I was 16 years old God revealed his plan to me for my life. For the last 20 years I've known what he made me for, I've just been held captive by sin and lies. I refuse to walk any further in my life out of God's plan.
Isaiah 49:1b-3, 6b
"Before I was born the Lord called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name. He made my mouth like a sharpened sword, in the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver."  "I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that my salvation may reach the ends of the earth."
God made me with a love for people and a love for talking with others. For the past 20 years he's been sharpening me, keeping me safe while he prepares me. Now is the time I've been prepared for.
We need to understand the real spiritual battleground we are all standing in, the real attacks Satan is hitting us with. That devil knew exactly what potential weapon God was fashioning me to be. He tied me up and convinced me it was bad to what God made me. Duh! Of course he wants to disable the parts of me that would cause him the most damage.
I'm still growing and being polished. I am always going to struggle controlling my tongue and making sure that what comes out of my mouth is from God. I am not, however, going to believe that God can't use me the way he intended because I still am a work in progress. If that were the case none of us would be able to do anything.
I know that I am nothing, the only good that comes out of me is God, the gifts he created and the glory he can pour through me.
Today I just want to share the healing he gave me and put the notice out. I am not crippled anymore. I am not going to sit down and shut up about the lies that have held me down or the sin I recognize in my life. I am going to drag it all out and share God's grace in my life and use the mouth he gave me.
Be warned, I am sharp and I have a lot of targets in mind.
Thank you Jesus, please use the words I speak and type to glorify you and show your grace through every part of me.
Oh, I will be removing the bipolar from the name of my blog, feel free to offer suggestions!