Friday, March 8, 2013

False Starts

The longer I have been a mom the more I realize how much I have messed it all up. With guilt weighing me down, I start trying to slug myself back to the starting line to give it another go. As the days go by I see more and more things that I didn't prepare them for. I see the worst of me shooting out of their little mouths. All of my bad habits are so much more magnified in them.
I'm back at the starting line again. I'm going to try to make some changes in my behavior. I'm going to hold myself and them accountable to our goals.
Now to be honest, the things I'm struggling with are innumerable. If this was a paying gig I would've been fired within 3 days of Liam coming home from the hospital. I am such a flawed parent.
I have anger issues. I seriously need to work on my patience and the volume at which I "communicate" with my children. I need to be consistant with the rules and not allow them to be disrespectful. I need to deal with correcting thier behavior when it happens, not in an hour when I have time. I need to turn off the tv and video games and interact more with them. I need to get dirty and play with them. I need to feed them healthier foods, not chicken nuggets and hot dogs every day. I need to make sure they brush thier teeth. Wow, this list could go on and on.
I know when I look at the big problem it overwhelms me. I can't fix this all in a day, a week or even a year most likely.
I am afraid I'm raising 4 kids that will be angry, disrespectful, fat, lazy and with some serious entitlement issues.
Today I cut the tv time in half. They haven't played any video games either. They did chores and right now are playing outside in the snow after 30 minutes of arguing that they hate outside.
I deserve an award for the patience I had with Mia, another one for not giving up after 30 minutes of screaming, spitting and kicking. (Mia, not me)
I understand fighting change, we are in this together. I am hating it just as much as they are. I think we will all sleep good tonight. Time to make dinner, we're sticking with chicken nuggets but we'll add a side of brocolli.